Omaha Famous #24

Local music, food, and people, you should know

 

The Ephemeral Soul of Senator Ben Sasse – The Interview

Ben’s soul, thank you for stopping by for an interview. It is a pleasure to sit down with you.

BS: Thanks for having me.

Must be excited to have the convention in town this week. How do you and Ben feel about the YRNC?

BS: Oh we sure are. As a Senator one of Ben’s greatest joys is being able to speak with young people about our values as Americans, and as conservatives. To do my part in instilling those values in young people, and hopefully inspire them to office someday, like Reagan inspired me, it is something we value very much.

Hey that’s great. What are some of those values that you find most important? And what does it mean today to be an American conservative?

BS: Ya know off the top of my head – personal accountability, humility, limited government, free markets, individual liberty, a free press, and our constitution – these, to me, are what I would call my foundational values as a conservative, growing up my whole life in the corn fields of Fremo…

I have to ask. And you say these things often Ben, and I agree with them, you have a way of…saying agreeable things – but then I also look at someone like Donald Trump. Do you feel that Trump represents these values you speak of?

BS: Well…Specifically…What I would just say…

At this point in the interview Ben’s soul began to fade. Until disappearing completely from my view. The apparition was gone.

Where did it go?

I frantically scanned the room. I had done so much to score this exclusive interview and to just have it fade away like that…I thought of something.

Ben’s soul…How do you feel about the Cornhuskers this season?

Suddenly, the apparition started to return…

BS: You look at what Scott Frost is doing with the team and you can’t help but be excited. Last season was painful. But I know we have the best fans in football, and that this year we are going to come back strong. You look at the running back pos…

Now you have been known as a sort of a rising star within the GOP…

BS: Yes, thank you.

As really an intellectual type, with midwest roots and values. And you have also been outspoken about President Trump. What are some of your disagreements with Trump?

BS: Well, I think the President has done some good things. But we have had our disagreements in the past and, I think a dialogue with the President has helped clear up some issues that…

You said in 2016, that “I don’t think that Donald Trump has any core principles” A damning statement about a man. That was candidate Trump. What has changed for you for now President Trump?

Again, the fading begins…The soul of Ben Sasse is hardly visible, I act fast.

Tell me about your book, “Them”?

It returns…

BS: The book is about us as Americans. Today we live in such a combative political environment, where we see people as our political enemies, and not our fellow Americans. As a nation we need to get back to that sense of wholeness, and the good news is you can buy that sense of wholeness now on Amazon for 25% off if you use the promo co..

Right. I see what you mean. Has the President helped or hurt that cause?

BS: I think the President has a special way of communicating…

Trump said to 4 Congresswoman of color recently, I quote, “I think, in some cases, they hate our country” and they should, “go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came.” 3/4 of those Congresswoman were of course born in the United States. Any comment on that?

The ghost looks like he has just seen one, perplexed, it mutters…

BS: Conservative values…Big Red…Fremont…My book…Amazon….

The soul fades away, confused, frustrated…

At this moment the REAL, HUMAN FORM,  BEN SASSE* enters the room!

REAL BS: WHERE DID IT GO!? I need to get to the convention center!

We look at each other awkwardly. The soul has disappeared, I have no answers for Ben.

Will you run for President in 2020 or 2024, Ben?

The REAL Ben Sasse looks at me stunned, then saddened, by merely the question itself.

Then…The apparition returns. 

BS: …I wanted to…

The Real Ben Sasse looks at his soul eye to eye, heartbroken at the comment – there is history here…

Real BS: LET’S…GO! Now!

The soul of Ben Sasse drifts across the room and merges with the actual human body of Ben Sasse. The fully formed Sasse leaves the room.

I am left in the room alone, holding a copy of Sasse’s book “Them” which Ben insisted you can find on Amazon now and that he actually wrote most of it. 

Fully formed Ben Sasse will be speaking this Saturday at the Young Republican National Convention at the Marriott Downtown. 

*Not actual Ben Sasse or his soul. This is political satire, and entirely fictional (duh).